Fueling the Journey

Life is a Giant List

2008-10-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

When does life finally get easier? I mean does do we ever really get past the stressful times? It seems that just when we finally get on top of the water we, well, sink again. Everyday I start a list. I like lists. They help me realize what I have to accomplish and where I am as far as getting ahead of the game. Lists. Life is one big list: List for the grocery store, list for things to do, list of qualities in a presidential candidate. I mean we are a society made up of lists!! Do lists make life easier or make life more stressful? Of all the lists in my life it seems I'm missing the big one. The list of things that will come to pass. I wish I had a cheat sheet. Don't we all though? I wish I could see where I am supposed to be and when I am supposed to be there. Gosh, are the things I'm doing now leading me to the best I can be in the future? What is my purpose? But most importantly, who is going to be there to help me along the way?
I would pay just about anything, max out my credit card and take out a loan if it meant looking just for 5 minutes into the future. It would be the most amazing experience ever! Who would I see, what would I look like, would I be RICH?!? Ha ha ha. Okay, maybe money isn't everything, but how is my life going to change? Right now I sit here whining about tests and grades and internships. Is all my hard work and dedication going to land me the greatest happiness? I sure hope so.
But that's just it. Happiness does not equal easiness. Just because you're going through some of the most difficult stressful times in your life doesn't mean you can't do it with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. When I look at my list I have two options: I can throw the list on the floor and crawl into bed where I can stay for days (heaven knows I can do it). Or I can smile as I see how many things I can accomplish in a short amount of time. Yes, life is full of lists, that is inevitable but how we look at our lists and what happens to our world when we continue to write and cross them off is up to us. It's exciting. It may not get easier but it will certainly be continuously changing... and that's just AWESOME!!

Slow it the freak down!

2008-10-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

Oh man. What a crazy week it's been! From developing a depression assessment for my Principles of Assessment Psychology class to turning in my papers for graduation. Not to mention the research on schools and professors at the schools I want to attend to get a Ph.D. Wow. Life is crazy fast these days. I sometimes feel as if I don't even have time to breathe. Weird.
My favorite part about life though, is never knowing what is coming next. It's like you wake up in the morning, you get ready as usual, but as soon as you walk out the door it starts. Life. What will happen to change your life today? Who will change you life? And how will you react to it?
Every decision has consequences. Why I did I not think about this before I saved math for last semester? Where was I when they made the announcement about planning ahead? I'm so pressed for time at this point. My whole future is happening in these next 3 months. AHHHH!!!! No wonder I sleep so much! I don't even want to face it. Yes, good idea. Avoidance.
Is there someone out there I can just pay to plan my life for awhile. Just make all the decisions and let me know what to do next okay? I'm freaking out, clearly.
Thank God for friends, the friends who make me laugh with porcupine bear stories, the friends that try to get me to vote Democrat, the friends that have the best hugs, the friends that pass out in bushes across from the club, the friends that scream LU-CKY with me all night long and the friends that will always be there no matter what lies ahead on the journey. To all of you, love.

Whit

Everything Happens for a Reason

2008-09-24T15:09:00.001-07:00

I've always kind of looked at life as if it all happens by chance. Sometimes it really does feel that way. Getting an "A" on a paper you hardly studied for, luck. Having to retake a class, bad luck. But what if we stopped cursing every time something we don't want happens and telling people how lucky we are when something good comes along. What if we took everything that came our way as if it was just a part of the journey... a journey that's is predestined and customized for every one person.

I have said this before that everyone in my life is in my life for a reason and a purpose, I never understood how important that purpose was until last week when one thing after another testified that God really does plan things to happen when they are supposed to happen, not before and not later. RIGHT when it's time. I was going through my usual, "Why does this bother me?" "Why isn't there an answer so I can stop letting this bother me?" routine. It happens probably once a month and I just let it bother me until it goes away. But unlike any other month something weird happened. I didn't find the answer, but I learned a new perspective. And this new perspective is awesome!!!
Being friends for probably less than a year it is surprising how close we are. Usually it takes traumatic events, or near death experiences to get to a point where you can share anything with someone. As we began to share and discuss a topic, that was very personal to both of us, we discovered we were ironically similar in thoughts and feelings. He is probably the only guy I have ever met that actually acts what he feels. He never tries to be anything he's not, yet he's never content with being as he is.
The whole story of how we met is the craziest story ever. As we talk about the steps to becoming best friends, it's completely clear it wasn't by accident. It's like we never had to try. It all just fell into place, predestined and completely customized. He's just what the doctor ordered. I'm SO blessed, and I hope he knows how much I love him!

It feels so complicated...

2008-09-01T13:17:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad today is Monday. I love Mondays. The start of a new week, a new beginning, a chance to make a difference all over again. Last week was a complicated week. Complicated only because I made it so. I have never felt so many emotions at once. Have you ever felt as if you were someone else living in your body? I honestly have no idea who I am anymore. I want to do many things yet I don't know what to do first. I thought a relationship was the next step in my life, that wasn't it. I thought maybe I should forget everything and just party for awhile, that clearly isn't it. I am studying psychology yet I can't seem to figure my own life out. Weird. I'm sure my friends think I'm crazy. Ha ha. What else is new though.

I went to church yesterday for the first time in my new ward. It was a really great experience. I met some new people and I really feel like this is going to be a really involved, fun year church wise. I'm planning on attending my meetings regularly, going to family home evening and even going to institute. Whoa. I know. But maybe by doing all these things I can finally find out who I am and where the crap I am going. Ugh, life sometimes. It's so complicated....

Whit

Breaking Free

2008-08-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

Well I'm down here in Cedar City, Utah, yet again. It has been a rough move in, far too many boxes. It's been great going back to school and seeing familiar faces. I never realized how many people I left behind going home for the summer. I mean it's great being back here but there are times I seriously miss home. I seriously miss my party people SO much. Weird that I actually miss going to Sound on Friday nights and just dancing away the night. It was such a release from reality. It is the one place you can go and leave it all at the door. Miss that for sure. So I made a CD with all the songs they play at the club and I make my roommates have dance parties with me. Naturally it's not the same as dancing with Jes, Ziggy, Blake and Andy but it works for now. And I suppose I miss the crazy nights at "Drunken Denny's" after the club. Or going to Denny's in the morning after playing at a hotel all night long. Freak. Life is so bueno with my people. I hope everything works out so I can move back to Salt Lake and live with them. I'm also applying to the University of Washington in Seattle mostly because I need change. Call me Obama but there is a part of me that wants nothing more than to leave it all behind and be a little adventurous. It's funny how we all get in routines. Agendas that become to monotonous that we slowly let our adventourous spirit die. Well I'm ready to breakout!! Let me loose and set me free!! GO LIFE!

Whit

Goodbye Waves

2008-08-20T17:24:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago I went to Salt Lake with Shelyse, Mike and Andy. We had dinner and went to Boondocks, which was SUPER fun!! It was just an all around great night. But the whole purpose for the night was to spend time with Andy before he moves to Washington DC. Andy and I have been been friends for nearly 3 years. And in those three years we have become the best of friends. We talk to one another for hours on end, we laugh, we cry, we just try to get through life together. He is truly one of the most amazing people in my life. Saying goodbye was probably one of the hardest things I had to do this year. I understand that moving is the best for him right now. I just wish I could go with him!! I am going to miss him so much these next four months. But sometimes we sacrifice the little things now for bigger things in the future.
I am also moving the day after tomorrow. This last week has been extremely difficult. I have never had so many mixed feelings about something. Should I stay here and go to the U? Should I even go back to school at all? Maybe I should take a year off and just save money. Freak. Why can't we all just have a Guide to Life book we carry around with us? It would make life SO much easier. We could just look something up and make a decision based on what the book told us to do. Weird but it would be great.
Well have to go. I have another issue to solve.

How to Save a Life

2008-08-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

Writing a blog was probably the last thing I ever though about doing. It wasn't until I read Jesse's blog that it seemed like the cool thing to do. It's almost like a release from the world, a place to collect thoughts and think more clearly about life. It's kind of nice.
Yesterday I met with a clinical psychologist to discuss the basics of what it takes to go into the field of therapy. Most of the things he said were pretty out of this world but a couple things seemed to stick with me and I've been thinking about them all day. He gave the analogy of lifeguard training. The first 3 weeks of lifeguard training doesn't consist of how to save a life but how to save yourself from people trying to drown you. As I contemplated this thought I related it to life. What if instead of trying to save people all the time we actually paid a little more attention as to how to save ourselves from the people we are trying to save?
How many times do we get dragged down by other people's problems? Especially the problems we can't fix. I hate more than anything coming upon questions with no answers. And I hate when friends ask for advice and I don't know what to tell them. It makes me so frustrated and upset I can barely stand it. So how do we keep from feeling drowned?
Do we avoid the friends that "drown us"? Do we simply tell them to leave their problems at the door? But what kind of friend shuns a friend in need? And how much is too much? It's funny that all this talk of saving ourselves can be interpreted as selfishness. What about me? But isn't it important for one to feel happiness and joy as well as caring for friends? Where is the line between caring and doing what's best for oneself?
Ugh.. maybe drowning isn't such a bad idea....

Whitney